Apologies for the quirky title, but it's what jumped to mind when I began reading the responses to Aya de Leon's post regarding white appropriation of Dia de Los Muertos. The comments shocked me: post after post of people telling this woman who wrote a stern, but fair post that she was the racist, that 'micro-aggressions' are really not important matters.
I'm guessing these commenters have never heard the phrase, "From little things, big things grow."
What stood out to me in Ms. de Leon's original post was the following: "Do you really not know how to sit at the table? To say thank you? To be a gracious guest?'
These are valid questions. She isn't saying white people should only celebrate Halloween or All Saints/All Souls (or Yom Kippur, for that matter), or that white people cannot participate in public Dia de los Muertos festivities. She asked if we knew how to behave.
Think about it. If you're going to a grown-up dinner at someone's house, you bring a host gift, or offer to help clear away afterwards, or bring music or a movie or dessert. You are a guest. You do not drop into the first chair you see, complain about the menu, the decor, or finger the heirloom hand-woven lace tablecloth and say, "Oh, hey, I could make a damn sexy teddy and garter set from this!" and whip it off the table to take home.
And what is with the people who kept giving variations of, 'I asked a Mexican/my Mexican friend/significant other/office buddy and they agreed you're being over-sensitive,'? Were her questions so uncomfortable that people needed to get some kind of Stamp of Authenticity so they felt less uncomfortable?
Well... it sure looks like the answer is 'yes'.
I've been in that hot-seat, I know how uncomfortable it is to realize, "Oh, wow... I have blithely been doing/saying racist/sexist/ableist things, and I just got called on it. Ouch!" It's painful to admit to doing that. It's unsettling, because I like to think of myself as a reasonably compassionate and aware person who isn't anything at all like those other asshats.
Truthfully, I am often an asshat. I do not like knowing this, I do not like changing my behavior when the situation calls for it, I don't like having to weigh my words, my thoughts, my feelings.
I also don't like being a person who hurts and steals from others. And others (or Others, if you prefer) are important. There are boundaries in place for good reason--not because we're all horrible people at heart who will gleefully indulge in pillaging and making off with whatever we can pry up. The boundaries are there because we all deserve our own spaces.
The Gods and Holy Powers created a physical Universe that holds an enormous amount of overlap (or you might think of it as 'structures of interdependence'), but also holds an enormous range of differences. Consider how many different varities of insects and plants, forms of natural water. Let's not get started on the animals, rocks, gaseous mixtures...
And this is on one planet, with a bog-standard yellow dwarf star, and a single moon. One. ONE.
This basic observation leads me to conclude that the Gods and Holy Powers like variety. They like to make different things in different places, and to not respect that is to disrespect the Gods and Holy Powers. That doesn't mean we have to stay in narrow, starkly defined spaces or never 'have nice things'. But we need to be good guests. We need to show good manners. We need to get over our need to own everything we see with magpie eyes.
We can share. (No, really, we can. I know it sounds Pollyanna, but really, we can.) Because we are part of the differences that delight the Holy. We are as much chaos as we are order. And yeah, we are more than likely going to continue to be asshats to each other. We are going to make screw-ups. Because, again, based on observation...
But this is why we also praise patience, compassion, and empathy. So, when going into another's space, be hospitable. Be well-mannered. And don't forget to look around your own space. We have cool stuff, too.
I'm guessing these commenters have never heard the phrase, "From little things, big things grow."
What stood out to me in Ms. de Leon's original post was the following: "Do you really not know how to sit at the table? To say thank you? To be a gracious guest?'
These are valid questions. She isn't saying white people should only celebrate Halloween or All Saints/All Souls (or Yom Kippur, for that matter), or that white people cannot participate in public Dia de los Muertos festivities. She asked if we knew how to behave.
Think about it. If you're going to a grown-up dinner at someone's house, you bring a host gift, or offer to help clear away afterwards, or bring music or a movie or dessert. You are a guest. You do not drop into the first chair you see, complain about the menu, the decor, or finger the heirloom hand-woven lace tablecloth and say, "Oh, hey, I could make a damn sexy teddy and garter set from this!" and whip it off the table to take home.
And what is with the people who kept giving variations of, 'I asked a Mexican/my Mexican friend/significant other/office buddy and they agreed you're being over-sensitive,'? Were her questions so uncomfortable that people needed to get some kind of Stamp of Authenticity so they felt less uncomfortable?
Well... it sure looks like the answer is 'yes'.
I've been in that hot-seat, I know how uncomfortable it is to realize, "Oh, wow... I have blithely been doing/saying racist/sexist/ableist things, and I just got called on it. Ouch!" It's painful to admit to doing that. It's unsettling, because I like to think of myself as a reasonably compassionate and aware person who isn't anything at all like those other asshats.
Truthfully, I am often an asshat. I do not like knowing this, I do not like changing my behavior when the situation calls for it, I don't like having to weigh my words, my thoughts, my feelings.
I also don't like being a person who hurts and steals from others. And others (or Others, if you prefer) are important. There are boundaries in place for good reason--not because we're all horrible people at heart who will gleefully indulge in pillaging and making off with whatever we can pry up. The boundaries are there because we all deserve our own spaces.
The Gods and Holy Powers created a physical Universe that holds an enormous amount of overlap (or you might think of it as 'structures of interdependence'), but also holds an enormous range of differences. Consider how many different varities of insects and plants, forms of natural water. Let's not get started on the animals, rocks, gaseous mixtures...
And this is on one planet, with a bog-standard yellow dwarf star, and a single moon. One. ONE.
This basic observation leads me to conclude that the Gods and Holy Powers like variety. They like to make different things in different places, and to not respect that is to disrespect the Gods and Holy Powers. That doesn't mean we have to stay in narrow, starkly defined spaces or never 'have nice things'. But we need to be good guests. We need to show good manners. We need to get over our need to own everything we see with magpie eyes.
We can share. (No, really, we can. I know it sounds Pollyanna, but really, we can.) Because we are part of the differences that delight the Holy. We are as much chaos as we are order. And yeah, we are more than likely going to continue to be asshats to each other. We are going to make screw-ups. Because, again, based on observation...
But this is why we also praise patience, compassion, and empathy. So, when going into another's space, be hospitable. Be well-mannered. And don't forget to look around your own space. We have cool stuff, too.